When Conflict Occurs
Conflict is an inevitability. The goals and intentions of one person does not always align to the goals and intentions of another. In other words, what I want is different then what you want, and when our interests are at odds, that is when conflict occurs. That is where there is a lot of back and forth. This is especially true when there is someone at fault. That someone being you.
In such instances, a lot of anger and aggression could potentially be directed towards you. And in order to return the other party into a negotiable state (and a large part of life is a matter of negotiation), you need to disarm them first. And what is the best way to disarm them? By using the most disarming word in the world. And that is sorry.
How To Use The Magic Word To Get What You Want
Think of it this way, whenever a person is in the state of wanting to argue with you, not only are they likely to be very emotional, but also they think that you are at fault for something. That is the prime drive behind their confrontational state of being. They want to prove you wrong. So take that gas away from them. Give up a small piece of something inconsequential as a way of returning them to a cooperative state. Note that this does not mean you are trying to manipulate them or appeasing them by giving them what they want, but rather you are working towards achieving your own means, even if that means maneuvering them into an angle favorable to you.
Say for example that you have a key client in your business that you seriously piss off, say because of subpar performance on your end. What do you do? Well you sit them down, deeply apologize, buy them lunch and listen to their grievances for starters (people are always more calm sitting down with a full belly.) And your intention is to maintain this relationship with the client and maneuver them in a way where they want to continue it as well.
This is meant to illustrate the key point, disarm the other party by whatever means necessary in order to turn them into a docile state that can help you achieve your means.
Kingston S. Lim
February 12, 2022
San Francisco, CA