“Getting Them To Share Too Much” Kingston’s Journey #107


When They Have A Checkered History

Oftentimes, people will be very unwilling to disclose information about themselves, especially when they fear judgement by those around them. In order to avoid damaging a relationship, such individuals will openly lie about themselves to get what they want, which in this case is a smooth relationship and the benefits that entails.

Take for example a job interview, the interviewee would very much like to be employed, so will present their best face possible to impress the employer. They’ll show up in a nice suit, well groomed, well mannered and just plain polished in the best manner possible. They are presenting their best face possible to get that job. And if they have a checkered past in either the professional sense of say misconduct or personal lives for example publicized inappropriate behavior, most people will downplay or omit this information for the sake of wanting to preserve the relationship and the value they will obtain by maintaining it.

Of course you on the other hand want to make the best decision possible right? And in order to do so, you’ll need the most accurate information to come to a decision.

Extracting The Checkered Past

So how would one go about extracting such information? Well you work on taking away that fear of being judged in a negative manner, a negative viewpoint that could harm the relationship. And how do you do that?

By making it sound like no big deal.

Bring up the subject in a joking or teasing manner, implying that it wouldn’t matter if they had done such a thing. This method wouldn’t work for things too outside the norm, but in terms of pushing the envelope on what people are willing to share, it is definitely worth a try.

When they divulge, encourage them to continue through verbal and non verbal ques. This way you have a better understanding of the person you are talking to and able to make a better decision.

Kingston S. Lim

July 14, 2021

Freetown, Sierra Leone

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