“On Solitude” Kingston’s Journey #82

Unwilling to Let Go

You know, when you are committed to a career or a relationship with another person, there are already expectations on the trajectory of where its going to go.

Reason behind that is you can see people that are in a similar relationship to you but are farther along which gives you a general idea of what to expect.

So if what is to be expected is not so good, a person that continues with said relationship has resigned themselves, consciously or not, to an outcome that is not so favorable.

Accepting Hopelessness

As such, there is a degree of hopelessness that such an individual has come to terms with. A couple quick examples would be someone working in a corporate job that is climbing the ladder that many have climbed before, or perhaps even with another person that you know very well and they are not willing to provide something that you want. Yet you stay with them, for what purpose?

Fear of being alone?

At least with that job or person you have something to latch onto, even if the outcome is not to your favor, it’s something.

And on the flip side, being alone. It’s been said that all of humanity’s woes stems from man’s inability to sit by himself.

So what does being alone offer?

Hope, hope that there is something better out there. When you are unattached to any commitment, you are not only free to search, but more likely then not, you are actively looking as well.

On the flipside, someone that already has something, well the natural human tendency then is to hold on to what we got, even if it’s not what we want, it’s still better then nothing. Another way to part it is we are afraid of being abandoned.

But that abandonment leads to more freedom to experience what works and what doesn’t, from this career field to that which I have encountered. And the price to be paid is to be alone at times.

So perhaps part of the process of finding what you want is to make friends with loneliness.

Kingston S. Lim

December 9, 2020

Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania

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