“Smelling The Desperation” Kingston’s Journey #63

The 6th Sense

Sometimes in life you can just sense things about someone when you just meet. It’s not a science, it’s just instinct when you meet someone new based on stereotyping for a lack of better words. You’ve had certain people in the past that have acted in a certain way whom can be generally categorized and these categories all had a similar outcome.

So more likely then not the new people you meet that exhibit similar behavior will likely have a similar outcome. People tend to draw these connections as we try to anticipate future outcomes and anticipate one another’s actions. Which is why the old saying goes, “first impressions count” or “I have a good/bad feeling about this guy.”

In reaction to this, people tend to be exceedingly polite when meeting each other for the first time, trying to bypass red flags.

But there are so many things going on at the same time that it’s impossible to keep it all covered up. From the tone of our voice, facial expressions, our rate of speech, facial expressions, body language, etc.

“Don’t Screw It Up”

Anyone of these traits can give away anything we may be trying to hide. One such example is desperation. Every so often you can just tell when someone needs something from you. They don’t even need to ask from the get go, you can just see it.

And part of that desperation comes from not having any options. A person becomes overly eager which oozes off of them no matter how hard they try to conceal it.

“A Cornered Dog”

Think of it when an animal is pinned to a corner with nowhere to run, without options that animal will try its damnedest to make its only option work. Same with people, because we are all animals when all the social niceties are stripped away. In fact it’s been said that civilization is 5 meals away from anarchy.

Because we are animals at our core, so often people can sense when we are trapped in a corner with nowhere to go. They have the reigns and can push our buttons. Therefore with the advantage on their side, they can extract more out of you. How they can get a better angle once they’ve sized you up, how they can take more.

This applies to a variety of different social situations from job interviews to relationships, joining a sports organization, etc. Whenever you need someone else and they need you. There is a proverbial dance between the 2 parties to determine how much each side will contribute.

And if you have options which lends you the confidence in knowing that you can break off an engagement at a moments notice, other people will be able to sense it and grant you more respect because they know you can hurt them by the fact that you have the option of not interacting with them.

In other words you don’t need them.

So take the career advice if never applying for just one job and direct it towards any interaction.

Spread out your social currency so you can create options.

Kingston S. Lim

July 20, 2020

Mérida, Mexico

Life Update: I moved back out to the Yucatan area because I didn’t like I previous work exchange experience and came here for a different one. The folks here have been kind to me so far for the most part. I’m still hesitant though as I’ve only known them for a few days and I’ve learned that people are most well behaved when you first meet them.

The work is hard, especially under the sweltering heat/humidity plus mosquitoes thrown in the mix. I haven’t worked this hard since I started Muay Thai training in Thailand over a year ago. I can say I don’t envy this work, but I’m here to learn all I can.

About Kingston’s Journey Series: Kingston’s Journey is a lifelong series. This is the travel journal I take with me. Whether you have questions such as how to change my life or how to travel the world, I think you’ll find value in the life lessons I’ve experienced and documented in this travel notebook. They may serve as travel inspiration for you. In Chinese, there is a saying, “讀萬卷書,不如行千里路.”

This means, instead of reading ten thousand books, why don’t you walk a thousand miles. This is my inspiration to travel every nation (or as many as possible) in my pursuit of my global MBA by learning as much as possible and recording these life lessons learned only by travel. In the end, I think the achievement of dreams, personal growth & aspirations out there through travel and adventure will lead to a more fulfilling life. Living and experiencing the “now” is how I’ll make my life a great memory in the future.

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