Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreements without Giving In (Ultra Condensed Cliffnotes #21)

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving in Ultra Condensed Cliffnotes Kingston S. Lim Roger Fisher William Ury

Below are my personal notes of As A Man Thinketh. These highlights were what I used to write my personal development book, Wiser Next Week, a condensation of many different self improvement books

Don’t Bargain Over Positions

Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by 3 criteria:

It should produced a wise agreement if agreement is possible
It should be efficient
It should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties

The more attention that is paid to positions, the less attention is devoted to meeting the underlying concerns of the parties
Positional bargaining thus strains and sometimes shatters the relationship
- People’s egos become identified with their positions
- Positional bargaining pits interests against relationships

Solutions:

Separate the People from the problem
- Even if blaming is justified, its usually counter productive. Under attack, the other side will become defensive and will resist what you have to say. They’ll cease to listen and may retaliate
- Blame entangles people with the problem
- Distinguish the symptoms from the person whom you’re talking to
- If you want the other side to accept a disagreeable conclusion, its crucial at you involve them in the process of reaching that conclusion.
- Agreement becomes much easier if both parties feel ownership of the ideas
- The feeling of participation in the process is perhaps the single most important factor in determining whether a negotiator accepts a proposal. The process is the product
- Determine their values, and make your proposal consistent with their values
- People need to reconcile their stand in a negotiation with their principles, past words and deeds
- Emotions:
  - Make emotions explicit, acknowledge them as legitimate
  - Allow the other side to let off steam, don’t react to emotional outbursts
  - Improve relations with a symbolic gesture (handshake, personal consideration)
- Communication:
  - Acknowledge what they say, let them know that they’ve been understood
  - Speak about how you feel, don’t accuse them of anything
Focus on Interests, Not Positions
- The basic problem in a negotiation lies not in conflicting positions, but in the conflict between each sides needs, desires, concerns and fears
- Focus on the why of the position to understand the interest
  - Understand that every interest has several possible solutions
- Behind opposed positions lie shared and compatible interests, as well as conflicting ones
- It’ll be difficult to influence anyone to agree on anything if you fail to appreciate the differing interests of the various people involved
- The most powerful interests are basic human needs such as: security, economic wellness, sense of belonging, recognition and control over one’s life
- It is your job to have the other side understand how important/legitimate your interests are
  - Recognize the importance of their side allows you to take a strong stance
  - People tend to think that those who understand them are intelligent, sympathetic people whose own opinions may be worth listening to
  - Think interests, not positions
Invent Options for Mutual Gain
- Expand the pie
- Inventing Creative Options:

Seperate the act of inventing options from judging them
Broaden the options on the table rather than seeking a single option
Search for mutual gains
Invent ways of making their decisions easy

Invent several options acceptable to you, and ask for their preference

Insist on Using Objective Criteria
Increasing Negotiating Power
- Develop a good alternative if negotiating fails:

Create a list of actions if no agreement is reached
Convert promising ideas into practical alternatives
Select, tentatively, one alternative that seems best

Strengthen your hand by informing the other party of your alternative if its very attractive. If not, keep your alternative to yourself
The more easily and happily you can walk away from a negotiation, the greater your ability to affect its outcome

Repelling Dirty Tricks:

Bullying for a concession:
- Tactic: Refuse to negotiate, “I’ll see you in court”
Extreme Demands
- Tactic: Ask for objective justification based on facts until it looks ridiculous even to them
Lock in Tactics (forced “do or die” situations)
- Tactic: Deemphasize the issue, make it look like no big deal. Therefore the other side can more gracefully back down
Calculated Delay (the other side postones decision until its favorable to them)
- Tactic: Visibly move towards a perceived better alternative, now they have something to lose