“A Heart Filled with Rage” Thoughts on Anger (Kingston’s Journey #50)

I trained Muay Thai for a long time, nearly a year. Some of the trainers were good, one in particular didn’t care for. I remember one in particular took particular liking in tormenting me. Let me explain, in Muay Thai, 3 of the largest components are:

Clinching (Grappling/Kneeing Techniques)
Pad Work
Sparring (Practice fighting)

This is Cham, a great trainer working with me.

Without too much detail, ‘P’ didn’t seem interested in teaching me his country’s art when it was his turn to be my trainer. He seemed more interested in hurting me, throwing me down and not letting me get back up. These trainers have been at their craft for years while I was new to the country & culture to put things in context. This treatment would be all well and good if it was the same for everyone. It wasn’t though, based on my observation, it only seemed to be me.

So when I wake up the next morning all banged up but still have classes to teach… I was angry & I lost sleep the night before thinking and replaying these experiences. In retrospect, I think I understood now why my heart was filled with rage at the time.

“P’s” Muay Thai was at a high level to a layman’s eyes and mine wasn’t. So when he hit me with cheap shots during pad work or drove me against the ropes & kept me there, I couldn’t do anything about it. That’s where anger comes from, a sense of helplessness. Someone or something has pinned you down & you can’t do a damn thing about it. Just like how a child throws a tantrum when things don’t go his way.

So, what do you do instead? You’ve recognized the problem, you’ve gotten angry because of a feeling of helplessness. Now its time to find a way around, through over or under the problem. It’s, “well shoot I’m not getting my way, what can I do about it?”

For me, I would never engage ‘P’ on his terms. The odds would be stacked against me. It was as simple as telling the guys there I didn’t want nothing to do with ‘P.’ Once I let them know there was a problem, that was the last time I had to deal with him. It was as simple as that. I only wish I had figured it out earlier.