There is a relatively modern saying that goes, “you can have anything in life, but not everything.” The logic behind it is that most things in life are achievable given that you have the prerequisites to succeed in that which you want, whether those prerequisites are physical (height/build) or interpersonal (personality) which I’ve already outlined. It is impossible though to attain everything you want as time and energy are finite resources.
As such there are going to be things that are gonna be left behind, especially as you get older and more decisions are made. Pining for things you’ve left by the wayside is to focus on what is no longer under your control, and to focus on what you no longer control leads to a feeling that you’ve lost control of your life, and the perception of not being able to choose where you want or don’t want to go leads to a profound unhappiness.
In order to have a sense of fulfillment and happiness in life then, it is imperative to not want what you’ve chose not to have. For my own case, I’ve chosen not to have a traditional job anymore. Any progress I “coulda” made working for some else, anything I “shoulda” done while an employee or anything I “woulda” wanted to happen if things where different would lead to an unnecessary unhappiness (side note: some unhappiness is needed so you’ll be incentivized to exact positive change.) Dido to comparing those around you that have what you’ve chosen not to have and wondering if it is better. Nostalgia, as in looking to the past and wondering “what if “is a dangerous thing. It’s living in the past, and we were designed to move forward.
Kingston S. Lim
March 1, 2020