“Don’t Desire What You’ve Decided Not to Have” On Happiness: Kingston’s Journal #33

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Don’t desire what you’ve decided not to have.

There is a relatively modern saying that goes, “you can have anything in life, but not everything.” The logic behind it is that most things in life are achievable given that you have the prerequisites to succeed in that which you want, whether those prerequisites are physical (height/build) or interpersonal (personality) which I’ve already outlined. It is impossible though to attain everything you want as time and energy are finite resources.

As such there are going to be things that are gonna be left behind, especially as you get older and more decisions are made. Pining for things you’ve left by the wayside is to focus on what is no longer under your control, and to focus on what you no longer control leads to a feeling that you’ve lost control of your life, and the perception of not being able to choose where you want or don’t want to go leads to a profound unhappiness.

In order to have a sense of fulfillment and happiness in life then, it is imperative to not want what you’ve chose not to have. For my own case, I’ve chosen not to have a traditional job anymore. Any progress I “coulda” made working for some else, anything I “shoulda” done while an employee or anything I “woulda” wanted to happen if things where different would lead to an unnecessary unhappiness (side note: some unhappiness is needed so you’ll be incentivized to exact positive change.) Dido to comparing those around you that have what you’ve chosen not to have and wondering if it is better. Nostalgia, as in looking to the past and wondering “what if “is a dangerous thing. It’s living in the past, and we were designed to move forward.

Don't Desire What You've Decided Not to Have, happiness

Kingston S. Lim

March 1, 2020

Manila, Philippines

7 thoughts on ““Don’t Desire What You’ve Decided Not to Have” On Happiness: Kingston’s Journal #33

  1. Pingback: “Carpe Diem” Kingston’s Journal #43

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  3. Happiness, I would suggest, is also dependent on deciding to do what you were meant to do. In order to be happy, you have to discern what gifts you have been blessed with and then determine how to follow through on them productively. If you really love basketball, but you are only 5’6″ tall, then maybe that is not what you were made to do. Or made you were made to coach, or referee, etc., etc.

    And productively may not mean money. It may be, for instance, that you were gifted with the ability to connect to kids. Maybe that means you should be a teacher or a guidance counselor. Those may not be the most highly paying jobs on the planet, but they may be the jobs that will make you the happiest because they will align you with who you were meant to be.

    As you decide what to desire and as you decide what to have, be aware of what your personal calling is. Follow that into doing what you can love to do and, as the saying goes, you will never work a day in your life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true about having and pursuing a personal calling. Too many people do things because others want them or expect them to. Whether they be peers, family, friends or societal pressures.

      In the end they never go 100% (at least not long term) on what they’re doing because they never enjoyed what they did in the first place. It becomes a form of self sabatoge.

      The person that doesn’t dwell on the past and instead projects their energy forward to find their calling, and once they’ve found it, well, they will never work a day in their life.


  4. Thanks for this. We are so heavily conditioned to react to social and cultural “wants” that it seems more important than ever to gain awareness of the conditioning and examine what I really need to feel complete in life. My want’s are forever coming and going and can be confused with what I actually need.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: “Life Hands Out A Badge”(Kingston’s Short Story #7 [Age 15]) – Kingston S. Lim

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