There is a relatively new saying that has been picked up by pop culture which goes, “You can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family.” This holds a lot of truth, but is fundamentally flawed. It’s true, our biological parents as well as who we grew up with is largely beyond our control. Before the age of 13 let’s say, we have very little agency, those in our lives before adolescence shaped us in ways beyond our control. Once we begin developing a sense of self though, that is when things begin to change.
From a Western perspective, once you enter adulthood, you venture forth into the world and forge your own path. Part of that means starting your own family. If there are things you didn’t like growing up, well its now your responsibility to fix it with the new family you’re building. The first family is the hand you were dealt, the second is what you make of what you were dealt.
If there is something you don’t like, you make the decision to leave it. Small minded people might say, “this is all I know.” But do you really want to be associated as a small minded person? Think of anyone who has achieved something noteworthy, and they have all actively tried to make their lives as they see fit.
Kingston S. Lim
January 28, 2020