Persistence or a Waste of Time? Kingston’s Journal #22

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Whether you’re giving it your all or beating your heading against the wall, sometimes the line is blurred.

Darn near 2 months ago, I talked about how I felt burnout from the monotony of teaching English in Thailand. I still feel that boredom and unhappiness. I’ve been trying to block out these feelings or numb it as an alcoholic would say, by doing things that are unconventional for a teacher:

  • Weaponized Toothpicks
  • Singing in Class
  • Water Guns + Food Coloring
  • Lightsaber Ruler
  • Weaponized chalk

Being distracted is one motivation, more importantly though is gaining confidence. Both in doing things I’m not used to and being judged by others. I’ve gotten more than a few dirty looks from the Thai teachers. Don’t bother me much, I’m getting used to scrutiny.

What I am pondering though is this: me staying here, is it persistence and keeping my word, or is it a sunk cost fallacy, where I think to myself, “I’ve already been through so much, might as well finish. As you sink it gets harder and harder to let go. Of course there is no easy way to answer this, and that’s what I struggle with.

And I’ve learned something about myself these couple month I’ve “persisted.” I’m no good at the corporate crap which is why I left corporate America and I’m not good in a school with strict behavioral guidelines, as I’ve seen at Attamit. I struggle in a settled society, I just become restless and end up bumping into people the wrong way. I like to break rules, bend things till they break and non-conform. Put another way, I need a fluid system to operate at my best.

For my personal disposition, it will be outright miserable for me to work a traditional job not for the sake of learning, but “making a living.” Anyways, 5 more (or less) weeks to go.

Kingston S. Lim

January 20, 2020

Bangkok, Thailand

4 thoughts on “Persistence or a Waste of Time? Kingston’s Journal #22

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